Torn To Pieces
by WolfGirl4Life
Summary: Our relationship was natural and after denying his love for so long, I let fate take its course and it would only lead me to the little red house. And though I wasn’t whole I settled for this. My werewolf friend who loved me more than I could ever return.
1. Preface: All That Matters

**Preface: The Beginning**

It was hard to grasp, but he was gone. Edward was gone. He wasn't coming back for me. It had been years, and he hadn't come back. I was shifting from cold, steel arms, which were Edward's, into the warm, soft embrace that was my best friend, Jacob. Our relationship had developed naturally, and after denying his love for so long, I let fate take its course, and it would only lead me to the little red house in the small reservation of La Push. And though I wasn't whole, I settled for this. My werewolf friend, who loved me more than I could ever return. I loved Jacob, I did. I loved his smile, his sense of humor, his positive outlook on life. I would do anything for him, but both he and I knew that he would never hold all of me, because someone had already stolen a bit of my heart, my soul. Jacob was willing to take me as I was- damaged goods. Was it wrong for me to be thinking about Edward, today of all days? I quickly glanced out at my family, my new family, my friends, and the people I had come to adore. And as I stared back into Jacob's dark eyes, his delight and utter ecstasy was written all over his face. With that, I took his hands, looked deep into his eyes, and said the two binding words.

"I do." Music filled the room, and everyone stood in their seats and clapped for the newlyweds. Jacob swept me into his arms, and kissed me passionately, and I tried my best to return it as best I could. Who knew if what I was doing was right? I would focus on Jacob, because I really did love him. Jacob was all that mattered to me now.

**Okay, this is a oneshot that could become a story. I've never really thought of doing a Jacob/Bella story, but the more I read the saga, the more I realize how happy they could have been together. But don't worry, this story is going to contain more than its fair share of drama. So review, and please tell me what you think.**


	2. Chapter 1: Near Impossible

_Artist of the Chapter: Kelly Clarkson_

"_Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk. Because of you I always play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me because of you I am afraid." –Because of You_

"_Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time, I'm so moving on, yeah, yeah, thanks to you, now I get what I want, Since you been gone." –Since You Been Gone_

"Bailey! Connor! Come down for dinner!" I shouted to my two beautiful kids. I heard footsteps running down the stairs, and I prayed that no one would trip. Thankfully, there was no crash, boom, smack, or anything of that nature, but my son sped through the doorway, and sat in his chair at the dinner table, followed by my daughter.

"Ha! I totally beat you!" Connor gloated, sticking his tongue out at his sister.

"Nuh-uh!" Bailey retorted with a frown, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Did not!"

"Did so!"

"Did not!"

"Did s-"

"Enough," I interrupted, laying down a plate of spaghetti in front of each of them. "No arguing at the dinner table. Only eating, and nice conversation, understand?" They both nodded their heads, and started eating.

Connor was my first born, he was eight. He didn't have Jacob's copper complexion, but he wasn't a ghost like me, he was the perfect balance. His hair was shiny and ink black, but it didn't have the same thickness that the Quileutes always had. He inherited Jacob's black eyes, and had his high cheek bones, thin nose, and rounded face. Overall, Connor could pass as full Quileute. He looked more like his father. He was absolutely beautiful, absolutely perfect.

Bailey was my baby, and at five years old, she was entering her first year of kindergarten in the fall. Bailey looked exactly how I would look if I were tan. Bailey had wavy brown hair, big brown eyes, and an upper lip slightly too full for the bottom one. She was gorgeous as well.

I loved my kids. I loved my husband. Overall, I loved my life. I was a secretary at a graphic design company that's headquarters was right in Port Angeles. The hours allowed me to pick up my kids from school, and I had the weekends off so I could spend time with them. If I had it my way, I would be a graphic designer myself, but I loved my family too much to work full-time.

Jacob had a full-time job (he'd quit phasing for me), and was the major source of income, though I contributed. He was the head of the customer service department for an insurance company in Seattle. The money he made allowed us to have some renovations done to our home, so the little red house wasn't as little anymore. Jacob and I renovated before Connor was born. We added a bigger garage, and two extra rooms to both the upstairs and the downstairs. That happened so the kids could have their rooms upstairs, they could have a playroom downstairs and, Jacob and I could have an office. Jacob commuted to work, so I only got to see him at night, and the kids hardly saw him at all, because shortly after dinner they went to bed, and he came home just in time for their TV time, at which time he ate dinner. He only had Saturday off, and worked Sundays, so he didn't see them as much as he would've liked.

Jacob was a good father. He loved his kids, and he spent all the time he could with them, but I could tell he took his job and being tired for granted when he just didn't feel like watching Power Rangers with Connor, or playing dress-up with Bailey. I had confronted him about it, and he'd understood, but nothing really changed. After awhile, I just accepted it. That's the rule when you love somebody. You accept them with all their flaws.

"Mommy, are you going to eat dinner?" Bailey asked when she noticed me just leaning against the counter, staring off into space.

"No, sweetie, I'm going to eat with Daddy when he gets home, like I always do," I responded in a faraway voice.

"When are Auntie Rachel, Uncle Paul, Cousin Sadie, and Cousin Jillian coming to visit?" Connor asked. Connor had a thing for Paul and Rachel's two teenage daughters, Sadie and Jill.

"I don't know, probably for Christmas," I said, distracted again.

"What's wrong, Mommy?" Bailey asked.

"Huh?" I said, finally looking at my kids. "Oh, yeah, sweetie I'm okay, I was just thinking about something," I said. They nodded in understanding, and ate the final bits of their dinners. Just then, Jacob came in the sliding back door.

"Daddy!" the kids chorused. He smiled, and gave each a kiss on the forehead. Then he came to me and kissed me lightly on the lips. I smiled.

"How was work?" I asked.

"Work," he said casually, sitting down at the table. I served him a full plate of spaghetti, and cleared the kid's plates.

"Go get your PJ's on, then you can play for a little while," I told them, and they both got out of their seats and ran into their rooms. I got myself some spaghetti and sat down next to my husband.

"This looks amazing, Bells," he said, and dug in. I too started eating, and we sat in our kitchen in a comfortable silence. After he was halfway through with his dinner, he surprised me by putting down his fork, and looking at me in the eyes.

"Bella, I just wanted to tell you something. I know I don't tell you enough, but you make me so…happy. I love you so much and it's hard to imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have you in it." He took my hand, and brought it to his lips. I smiled, enchanted by this unusual display of affection by my husband."You're so beautiful, you know that? I'm so happy we're married. I have an amazing life. One perfect wife, two perfect kids, and a great job that I love doing…I don't believe life gets any better than this." He leaned over, and kissed me on the cheek.

"Thanks, Jake," I said, smiling, and went back to my dinner. He was eating too, but I felt his gaze on me the whole time until he finished his dinner.

"I'll do the dishes if you put the kids to bed," he said, massaging my shoulders. He knew I hated doing the dishes. I smiled at him, and he cleared my plate, and put it in the sink.

"By the way, Bells," he said, turning the sink on, and rinsing my plate clean of marinara sauce. "I have a business trip coming up. I have to leave on Monday morning…"

"Monday! Monday, Jacob?" I asked in shock.

"Um, yes. What's wrong with Monday? I have an important meeting in Vegas…"

"Jake, Monday is the kids' first day of school."

"So? I've been away on the first day of school before."

"Bailey's first day of school! Bailey's first day of kindergarten," I hissed. Jacob's face flushed then went white.

"Shit, I forgot," he murmured to himself.

"God dammit, Jacob," I whined.

"I'll arrange something. I'll be there at Bailey's first day of school. I promise," he said, taking my hand. "I promise, Bells."

"If you aren't there to drop her off with me, so help me, Jacob Black…" he laughed quietly. "I'll go put the kids to bed. We'll talk about this later."

I marched up the stairs, and walked into Connor's messy room. Clothes were splayed all over the place, Hot Wheel's cars were everywhere, and Lego's were mixed in there too. Connor was on his bed, reading a book.

"We are cleaning up this room tomorrow, young man," I said, laughing. He smiled back at me. "What are you reading?" I asked. Connor had inherited the love of reading from me, if nothing else.

"Magic Tree House," Connor said, showing me the cover of the book. I nodded.

"Alright, you can read more Jack and Annie after you clean your room tomorrow," I said. "Lights out, alright?" Connor looked as if he were about to protest, but decided against it. He laid his book on the bedside table, and got under his covers. I walked over, and tucked him in.

"Goodnight, Connor, I'll see you in the morning." I kissed him on the forehead, and walked towards the door. I switched off the light, and closed the door slowly.

"Mom!" Connor said before it was shut. I opened the door, and switched the light on again.

"Yes, Connor?"

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too," I smiled. "Goodnight." I switched off the lights, and closed the door. I walked a few feet down the hall to Bailey's room. I opened the door, and she was on the floor, playing with her Barbies.

"Bailey, sweetie, it's time to say goodnight." She nodded, put her dolls in the box labeled 'Bailey's toys' and got into her bed. I walked over, and did the same thing for Bailey. I tucked her in, kissed her on the forehead, and whispered a goodnight.

"Mommy, will Daddy be there with me on my first day of school?" Bailey asked.

"Yes, Bailey. Your father promised he'd be there."

"That doesn't mean he'll show up," she grumbled quietly.

"Have faith," I told her, kissing her again on her forehead. "Sweet dreams, baby. Goodnight. I love you."

"Love you too," Bailey said, curling up under the covers. I shut off the lights, and closed the door quietly behind me. I walked down the hall to the master bedroom, where Jacob was sitting on the bed, in lounge pants and no shirt, watching the nightly news. His work clothes sat in piles on the floor. I sighed, folded them, and put them on the dresser.

"Thanks, Bella, honey." I nodded, and smiled tiredly at him. It was just routine now. A sudden wave of fatigue crashed over me, and I was instantly exhausted. I stripped out of my clothes, and placed them in the hamper, not bothering to change into real pajamas. I climbed into bed in just my bra and underwear, and as Jacob processed what I was wearing, he smirked.

"Asking for something, are we? You know you don't have to seduce me," he said, and it was obvious that he thought he was pretty funny. Unless of course, that was what I wanted. I realized that the underwear that I had chosen for the day was unusually sexy, a lace strapless bra, and matching boy shorts. I sighed, and looked over at him.

"I don't know, Jake," I said. "I'm really tired. I have to work tomorrow, and so do you…"

"Right, and if we have sex, I'll never be able to get you off my mind," he said, and kissed me on the forehead. I thought he was going to give up, turn off the TV and turn in for the night. I should've known better. I knew him better than that. Instead, he turned off the TV and pulled me into his arms, and kissed me fiercely on the mouth, and left a trail of kisses along my jaw, down my neck, and then ran his tongue down to where my neck and my shoulder met. I rolled my head back, so my head rested on his broad shoulder.

"Jake," I sighed, my eyelids fluttering shut. He gently kissed my collar bone, and nipped at my shoulder. At the sound of his name, he grunted, and started ravaging at my face again. I sighed, and started kissing him back, not as fiercely as he was on me, but with passion. I almost gave in, but when he started playing with my bra, trying to unhook it, I pulled away. When he realized my reluctance, he flopped back down on the bed, defeated.

"How long has it been?" he asked angrily, I could feel his glare on me, but I refused to look at him.

"I don't know," I said weakly, avoiding his gaze. There was a long silence.

"Sorry, Bells," he whispered. Another long pause.

"Maybe this weekend," I assured him.

"You don't have to," he said. "I shouldn't be so pushy."

"It's alright, Jake. This weekend, I promise." It was times like these where I didn't know how to handle our marriage. How Jacob wanted sex all the time and I just…didn't. Don't get me wrong, I loved making love to my husband, but it wasn't something I wanted every single night. The way Jake did it; it was hard to get into that totally submissive mood every night. Especially if we both had work tomorrow.

"Goodnight, Bells," he said quietly.

"Goodnight Jake," I responded. He leaned over, and shut off the light on his bedside table, making the room pitch black. Soon, I could hear Jacob's even, long breathing from inches away from me. I was so jealous at the easiness of his sleep, and considered going to take a cold medicine pill that would knock me out in seconds. I was exhausted though, and couldn't find the strength to get out of my bed. So I sat there, staring at the ceiling, finding pictures that weren't there.

For the first time in a long time, Edward entered my mind. I pictured his tousled bronze hair, his pale white skin, his golden eyes, how from far away he seemed thin and lanky, but up close you could see that the muscles he had were prominent and impressive…I wiped a tear that was about to fall. The tears stung my skin, punishing me for thinking about him. I had told myself long ago that Edward didn't matter anymore. He didn't love me, and Jake did. So I married Jake because I loved him too. That was that.

Or so I thought.

Up until this point, I had made sure to avoid thinking of him, because if I had, not only would it drive me insane, but if I ever told Jake, he would flip out. I hadn't realized how much I still hurt over Edward, and the knowledge that I still hurt, well…hurt even more. I cried myself to sleep, with dreams that would no doubt be mercilessly painful.

I woke up with a shock, gasping for air, clutching my chest…just force of habit now. I'd had the strangest dream, and as glanced over at a dead asleep Jacob, I was thankful that he hadn't heard me talk in my sleep. The dream started and there was nothing, just nothing…a white place…nothing. Then a shaking Jacob appeared, and he was snarling, and growling as he shook even more violently. Jake charged forward, and leaped into the air, phasing into a russet wolf…but the thing that landed wasn't Jacob. It was a shockingly precise and perfect Edward, snarling where Jacob should have been.

"Not what could've been," he whispered, suddenly soft. He growled one more time, and then I was scared out of my sleep. I looked at the clock next to my bed. It was 3:30. I sighed, disgusted with myself. I slowly got out of bed, careful not to wake Jake or the kids as I crept down the hallway. I made my way downstairs, and got a glass of water. My hand was shaking violently. I shook my head, and sat down at the kitchen table. I started clearing everything off the table, sorting Jacob's work stuff into one pile, mine into another. Once the table was cleaned off, I sunk into the couch, trying to relax enough to sleep. Though I knew it would be near impossible.

**Okay, I only got one review, but I loved this so much, I made another chapter. Here we go. Review!!!!**


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